Monday, September 30, 2013

Ladies! Go Buy a Vibrator!

Ladies, when the spark has left the bedroom, hie yourselves to Babeland and buy a vibrator! It will cure all your marital woes!

Fuck no it won't.

Reach. Lo-res 120 film scan. Courtesy of Creative Rehab.

As I've slid into the sexless funk I've started looking at the advice offered to couples whose sexual relationship is in the doldrums. Without doing an exhaustive study, I'm pretty certain that the most popular piece of advice for women is to buy a vibrator. I remain confused as to how, exactly, buying a battery-operated piece of plastic is the way forward.

As a woman who owns about six vibrators, several of which I reviewed here (and not a one of these was sent to me free for review, ahem), I think I have a bit of knowledge in this area. Advice offered by WebMD:
"Ladies: Don't fret if you're not feeling desire right away. Enjoy the process of becoming aroused. A vibrator can help with that, [Diane Sollee] advises. 'After menopause, they may need a more intense vibration, at least initially, if a woman hasn't been sexual in awhile. She may need a vibrator.'"
All props to former marriage counselor and MSW Sollee, a vibrator cannot fix a sexless marriage. I'm not even sure a vibrator can create desire where there is none. And as good as vibrators are at making orgasms, if you aren't feeling the sexy and you don't have much impetus to get started they can create a worsened state of anxiety when the orgasm doesn't arrive as promised.

I know. I've been there.

A vibrator is a tool that can make an orgasm happen. But I don't believe that it can make you fall back in love with your partner or make you feel that hot, liquid, melting desire that begs to be quenched by fingers, lips, a tongue, a cock, and yes, even a battery-operated piece of plastic.

In the last few days I've tried my hand (and my vibrators) at having some orgasms. They feel good, but they are hard to get. It takes a while to get there, and I need multiple senses engaged before anything happens. And after the intense buildup the outcome is...minimal. It's a weak reminder of what orgasms should feel like, but all the investment to get there seems excessive given the payoff. When it takes a long time to get one, you want it dripping and gooey, not a quick and perfunctory squeeze.

Does a pussy have muscle memory? Can it "remember" what really good orgasms feel like?

How do you get back to the mental and physical place where an orgasm is a craveworthy experience?

2 comments:

  1. For me and IME with ladies, the reason is usually something emotional causing libido to go down, maybe stress, maybe relationship issues, maybe depression (sometimes all of the above) but when I/we address these issues the sex comes back naturally. Easy to say and not so easy to do...! x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Another though is to stop all sex, masturbation etc, for a set period of time say 2 weeks maybe 3 or 4...?

    ReplyDelete

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