Sometimes doing what you've always done is referred to as insanity, when the outcomes are crappy but you keep returning to the pattern because it's what you know. The last and only time I broke this pattern I started by reading erotica. My taste was pretty bad to start with, my standards pretty low. I read a lot of stories from Literotica because they were online and free and no one could see what I was reading. I went for explicit description over romantic entanglement. BDSM and other more extreme stories captivated my imagination as they were so new and unknown to me. I recently revisited this post about the importance of reading smut for me. I'm now blessed with a better and faster internet connection, but online porn still doesn't really do it for me. Who am I kidding--not much has been doing it for me. But I think that it helps when my imagination (and not just my eyeballs) is engaged.
I've been running from a lot of things in my head lately. Seems like I need to make peace with whatever's been chasing me away and spend a little more time there.