Things I'm Loving This Week

This mattress, which doesn't actually exist. I saw it on a friend's Facebook post recently and I can't get the image out of my head. Created by an Iranian designer, it won a number of design awards in 2007. I don't see how Design With Reach hasn't made a version of this yet. Although, making sheets work with it would be tricky.

We are ardent aficionados of middle of the night spoon sex and a variety of other fucking and snuggling positions that don't work so well with the presence of elbows. The magic slats of this mattress would make those problems disappear. Also, I think tucking my cold toes between the slats would make D very, very happy.

There's a new image reblogging site in town: Snatchly. It's your virtual pornboard!

With all the talk about Pinterest being very anti-smut, it's no surprise that a smut alternative has popped up. However, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that, for the moment, I prefer Tumbling my porn. However, there are lots and lots and lots of boobs. That all come from Tumblr. Perhaps it will catch on.

My Snatchly is currently empty. Feel sad for me. But I am working toward the moment when I can say to someone, "have I shown you my Snatchly?" Wink, wink.

For the culturally adroit and erudite among us, there's a new exhibition at the Met called Naked Before the Camera, which draws on the museum's legendary and incredibly extensive photography collection. Really, there is none like it in the world. The Times' review of the show is generally good. On the curator's choices the reviewer says: "Over all Mr. Daniel’s selections show how photographs of the body have intersected with the histories of painting, medicine, forensics, erotica, commerce, Surrealism and feminism, and how they hint at the advent of Conceptual, appropriation and performance art." Sounds very good to me! Fortunately the exhibition will still be up when we visit NYC later this year.

From the exhibition: The Estate of Brassai. A nude from the early 1930s by the Hungarian photographer Brassaï, who, along with Edward Weston, truncates the female body so radically that it resembles a kind of phallus or an undulant landscape. (Quotation from the NYT article)

What are YOU obsessing over on this fantastic Saturday?

Formspring Friday: The Effect of Blogging on Our Sex Life

I've got a handful of questions stacked up to answer, but this one came in a few days ago and was just too compelling not to answer right away.

Do you find that writing your blog is a good sexual release? Have you become more adventurous since writing about your escapades?

The first part of this question is sort of hard to answer. I don't really feel any sexual release from writing the blog. I feel a sort of emotional release in that I have a place to confess all the sexy stuff we've done or are thinking about doing. Ever since we started fucking again I've had a huge desire to shout it from the rooftops, but that seems slightly inappropriate. I have a few girlfriends with whom I can sort of chat about this stuff, but they don't really know the backstory and I don't go into great detail with them.

What I do feel sometimes, sexually speaking, is intense arousal after having written an especially steamy post. Sometimes I masturbate, but more often I will seek D out for some extra-special release. Sometimes I'll narrate for him what I'd just written about. Which, of course, will have been something he experienced with me in the not too distant past.

I find that when I need a good sexual release I go to other blogs and enjoy getting off to their hotness. Sometimes it's about the photos, sometimes it's about a really well-written and super hot story.

Something that's happened since I started blogging is that every once in a while D will say "that was blogworthy!" afterwards. I think it's kind of amusing, but I also sometimes think "are we having sex for the sake of the blog??" Of course, the answer is no. We're having sex because we love having sex! The fact that sometimes it's incredibly awesome and blogtacular is irrelevant.

As for becoming more adventurous...that's a good question. I'd say we started becoming more adventurous as a result of blogs we were reading. We considered things that we'd never given a moment's thought to, like going to a sex club, or pegging. However, we aren't having "stunt sex" just for the purpose of having something to blog about. All the new things we've done have come about naturally, as the result of some desire one or the other of us has had.

It's fun to write about sexual adventures, especially new ones. Whether the blog existed or not, we'd keep seeking out new adventures. The fact that I have a forum to write about them is an added bonus that helps me explore my fetish for exhibitionism.

Going Over the Edge

I wrote notes to myself about our fucking the other night: "regular sexy sex, hard fast power fucking, dirty, dirty threesome girl licking your pussy dirty talk."

It started more or less like our regular sexy sex. Not too slowly we removed each other's clothes. D had on the tight black underwear I love so much, and I pulled his groin to my face, rubbing my nose and cheeks over his hardening cock. Through the fabric I caressed his ass and stroked his balls, looking up at him. Slowly I eased the waistband down, revealing just the head of his cock over the edge. I licked. He moaned.

Pushing the waistband down even farther, so that the front edge was tucked behind his balls, I licked from the base of his cock to the tip. Focusing just on the head, I circled my tongue around him and flicked over his sensitive spot on the underside. We finally pushed away his shorts altogether and he was naked on top of me.

Only moments later he was stroking inside me, and then he surprised me. Often in bed we'll tell each other dirty stories--remembrances of something we've recently done together, or bits of fantasy that we may or may not someday make true. That night it was the latter.

"I've been thinking about the girl who's going to fuck you. The first girl."

The Highlight of My Week

A couple weeks ago @MiaWallaceCA asked me a question: what was the highlight of your week, sexual or not? I'd been having kind of a low week and didn't have the energy to pick through it and find some kernel of loveliness.

Last week turned that all around and I found myself feeling extremely happy, lucky, and thrilled to have so many wonderful things going on. Amazing how 2 feet of snow on the ground can dampen your mood and a few sunny days in the mid-60s can change it.

I've decided that the highlight of my week last week was my first foray into nude sunbathing. It was an incredibly liberating feeling to walk out the door into our enclosed yard and pull my coverup off. I don't even know why I had a coverup on in the first place. It's so enclosed and private there's really very little chance of anyone getting a glimpse.

A Very Happy Birthday

He asked for a special birthday present. We were only about 2 months back into the fucking, but I was ready for anything. My sex drive was so high I needed to masturbate at least twice day in addition to the extended daily fucking we were doing. I had to get up at 5 every morning, and yet I woke every night at 3:30 with my hand in my pussy. I soaked the floor, the chair, the sofa during my middle of the night rendezvous with myself.

He wanted a role play--he the teacher, me the student. He wanted me to seduce him in order to improve my grade. I wanted to seduce him so he'd fuck me hard, take me like his little slut, and say nasty, filthy things to me.

Role play has never come easy to me, but this one really turned me on for no good reason. While he organized his "office," I changed into some slightly slutty college student wear--short denim skirt, black wifebeater tank top, impractical high heels. My legs looked long and my tits were accentuated by the tight shirt, hard nipples prominently displayed.

I knocked on the door separating us. He invited me in. Now he was my TA and I was his student. My pussy throbbed at the thought of the ensuing power dynamic.

The details of our conversation are meaningless--I wanted him to review an essay I thought had been unfairly graded. He told me what potential I had, and then sexually harassed me. I turned it back on him, pulling up my skirt and exposing my naked ass to him.

Remaining in his seat, D bent me over and pushed my skirt further up my hips. Slowly he caressed my cheeks and then lightly spanked me, telling me what a bad girl I was for trying to seduce him into giving me a better grade. From behind he licked me, pushing his tongue between my still-closed lips, his hand pushing up under my shirt, stroking my back.

He'd opened his pants and pulled out his cock. So hard. So ready. Pushing my skirt up around my waist, he pulled me down to his lap, seating himself deep inside me. My legs were open, straddling him, my heels giving me extra leverage. He reached around and grabbed my breasts as I twisted and ground my ass against his crotch. One hand reached down and he began to finger my clit.

We were so wet. The head of his cock pressed against my g-spot, pushing me to an orgasm. His fingers on my clit pushed me to another. By the third one I'd squirted all over the floor. The one and only time I've squirted with his cock in me.

After a time D pushed me up and over the table he was using as a desk. We'd been working hard and a sheen of sweat covered us both. As he fucked me from behind, again telling me what an unconscionable little slut I'd been, trying to wheedle a grade from him by using my pussy as temptation, he pushed my shirt up to my neck. My back was beaded with sweat, and with me splayed across the table he bent down and licked my spine almost all the way up to my neck.

His hot tongue cutting through the comparatively cool moisture on my back sent shivers through my body. It was like a direct line to my cunt and I came hard, thrusting my ass back against him as he held me down against the table. He wiped a hand through the beads on my back.

I pushed back on him, pushing him away from the table. With little strength left in my legs, I nodded him toward the chair. This time, I took my position facing him, riding his cock. The teacher-student dynamic was gone. Now it was just us, just fucking, just sensation, just pleasure. After a few minutes I slid down between his knees. He finished by jacking off into my mouth.

Happy birthday baby.

The Elusive O

For the last few days I have been unable to make myself come. I've tried and tried, and maybe the fault is in the trying so hard. At least three times I've been close but couldn't get there on my own. The pinch hitter was called in, which is kind of not the point since I'm meant to be getting myself off.

I don't know the cause of my inability to come. I think part of me is afraid I'm going to squirt and mess the sheets. Which would be resolved by getting a towel or two. Part of me won't let go for some reason. I can feel the orgasm just out of reach. It's there on the horizon, and I feel the hint of it, like the way you feel the hairs on your arm swish as a breeze or person blows by. Particles are ready to be displaced. But they won't move.

Photo courtesy of Creative Rehab.

The State of Today's Sexual Culture: Best Sex Writing 2012

It should come as no surprise to you that in addition to the smut I mention with some regularity on this here smutty blog, I also enjoy smart, erudite, and critical work about the state of sexuality in our culture. I've called myself an intellesexual a time or two, and many of you share my overall perspective. For that reason, I am thrilled to share a review with you today of Best Sex Writing 2012, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel (@raquelita on Twitter), and guest-judged by Susie Bright (@susiebright on Twitter).

Rachel shared an advance copy of the book with me a few weeks ago, and I admit that it took me a while to get through it. I mean that in a good way. This anthology makes you think. You want to re-read the essays. You want to check in with yourself and your biases and then read again. The works included run the gamut and touch on politics, social issues, the upcoming presidential election, legislation of sexual behavior, personal sexual experiences, and gender identity. There's more, but this gives you a sense of what you'll find.

Food, With a Side of Sex: Formspring Friday edition

How would a perfect night in go and what would you eat?

Fortunately we have a lot of perfect nights in! For us, a perfect night in involves something fantastic for dinner (more on that to come), eaten al fresco if the weather cooperates, then often a game or watching something on Netflix, followed by some kind of wonderful fucking.

I Fuck Myself

I saw this posted as a little slide show on The Frisky the other week and thought it was cute, and perhaps it would generate some funny little blog post. But I couldn't figure out what to do with it and promptly forgot it. Which is odd, because I love orgasms, and I love writing about orgasms. Not as much as I love having them, but they are a very rich topic.

This seems to be sourced to the creator, Glasmond.

Sex Snapshot 5: Kind of a Quickie

We never have quickies. They just aren't in D's DNA. This may be why I masturbate a fair amount. I can come in under 5 minutes if needed or desired. Less time if I'm listening to something especially erotic. I say listening because I tend to fuck myself with my eyes closed.

But the other night came about as close to a quickie as we ever do. I think we were done with the whole shebang in under 30 minutes, and 90% of that was pre-fuck.

After some momentary flirtation and clothing removal, D rubbed his freshly shaved cheek against mine and suggested that he should put it to good use. I begged for him to take me ass-in-the-air and moments later my chest and cheek were pressed into the bed while he licked me from ass to clit. That position pushes me toward orgasm so quickly. It's like the fastpass lane to serious pussy satisfaction. Flicking, sucking, licking, and barely fingering, D sent me reeling with four orgasms. With one hand he squeezed my nipples, alternating breast to breast. With the other he jacked his cock the entire time. He worked hard. I just floated on a plane of intense arousal. I collapsed on the fifth one, riding the downward crest of the wave as he continued to fuck his hand, looking at my ass.

I shifted, half on my side, looking back over my shoulder at him.

"Is that how you want it?"

"I want it however you want it."

With that he grabbed my hips and slid deep into my well-lubed pussy. Just a handful of strokes before he came, and then he fucked me well to another two orgasms.

It was really fun and put a giant smile on my face. Any kind of a quickie with seven orgasms is OK by me.


Note: edited final orgasm tally 3/23 when I discovered I can't add!

Would I, Could I?

Here's a disclaimer--this is about the sexless marriage, not the sexy one. Still, I hope you read it, because it gives some perspective on where we were for so long.

I get a lot of questions about the sexless void in our marriage. A. Lot. Of. Questions. Every once in a while I try to shed a little light on some aspect of that period of time, and I try to deal with it with humor and grace. It's all part of the "honestly" part of the blog's subtitle. I don't think this one will be humorous or graceful, but it will be honest. It definitely won't top the pedicure and bikini wax post for guffaws.

Recently someone asked me the following: Did you ever consider doing sexual things for D during your non-sex times, like bj's or handjobs, or even holding him while he masturbated?

Yes, I considered it. For about a minute. A few times. And no, I really didn't do it. But not because I was a bad wife. In all the other areas that count I was (and am) a very good partner. D probably outranks me, but we make a good team. Together we've made it through all the major sorts of life changes you can imagine, with the exception of having a child. Sure, we disagreed and even yelled from time to time, but we worked through it all together.

"Now I Really Need a Bath..."

Fucking has been light on the ground in these parts recently because we've both been a touch under the weather. Saturday afternoon was our first fuck in a week, but apart from the intense nipple torture D employed it was rather tame. That changed Saturday night. Saturday night--we were back.

As is our custom, when I got up to leave the room that evening to go take a much-needed aromatherapy soak, I bent down to give D a kiss. He didn't accept the little peck, and instead pushed his tongue between my lips and pulled me closer. A moment later both hands were on my tits, over my t-shirt, rubbing and pinching my nipples. They were both sensitive and sore from earlier in the day, which meant his touch went straight to my cunt.

e[lust] #34--Some Truth...About Cocksucking

The 34th edition of e[lust] is out, and this one features my post Some Truth…About Cocksucking. There was no top three this month, but here are a few of my recommendations: N.'s piece Working Out is just insanely fucking hot. Mia's Our Sex Diary (Part Two!) is another don't-miss. GreyMia's Whore’s Mouth is another incredible cocksucking tale. And Lady Pandorah's The Chair – The Execution is simply beautiful.

Photo Courtesy of JM from There is No Spoon!

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #35 ? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feedfor updates! Note: Wondering why there is no Top 3 this edition? Read the latest Editor’s Note to find out why, and what you can do to help prevent this from happening in the future.

~ Featured Posts (Picked by Lilly) ~

The Ultrasound and the Fury- I cried softly and my partner moved closer to the table so I could lay my cheek against him for comfort and support. Then they brandished a wand and explained they needed to take pictures inside of me. And told him to get out.

Vagina in the Wild – Adventures in Pantslessness – They are self-cleaning and self-lubricating. They are a wonderfully well designed body part that speaks of feminine power and beauty. They leave wet spots on the couch.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Ultimate Guide to Silicone Sex Toys – With Metis Black of Tantus, Inc. - I picked the brain of Metis Black, the fabulous woman behind Tantus Inc, makers of some very awesome silicone sex toys. Get your sex geek on and find out some myths and facts about silicone sex toys!

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Formspring Roundup: Would You Pay for Sex? and more...

Lots of great questions in the Formspring queue! I'll keep answering two or three each week until I whittle them all down.

There's no rhyme or reason to this week's questions, but two of them deal with things that once you do them can't be undone. But in very different ways. Enjoy!


Have you ever paid or been paid for sex? If not, under what circumstances (if any) would you consider it? asked by jackandjill650

Nope, never paid for or been paid for sex. Unless you count paying in blowjobs and payback in blowjobs of the girl variety ;). The only sexual encounter I would consider paying for is a tantric massage, and I know that some practitioners don't even really consider it a sexual encounter in the sense of S-E-X.

How does the post sex clean up op go with you guys? Is it up and straight to the bathroom or do you hold it for a while? What about when you have sex out and about - in the car or the woods for example?

We generally don't head straight for cleanup right afterward. Partly that's because we're usually breathing pretty hard, but partly it's because we really like to lay together and chat, stroke, and kiss for a while afterward. The trick is finding a position where all the come inside doesn't leak out and make a mess. After anal it's a bit different, and we keep handi-wipes in the nightstand for onsite cleanup.

We haven't had sex on the run in too many places, but usually a piece of clothing or a towel does double duty for cleanup. We are not shower-immediately-after-sex people, so we're both good with wandering around with a little extra stickiness now and then.

You have any body mods?

I don't, unless you count the few ear piercings I have, and those aren't too numerous. However, a few months ago I decided that this summer I'm going to get a tattoo or two. I am still deciding on designs, but I've narrowed it down to three possibilities. Whichever I choose will be done in an art nouveau style.

I am intrigued by body piercings, but not sure I'm brave enough for them. I am often turned on by the way nipple piercings look, but they seem like a lot of work to care for initially. I'm also afraid of damaging my awesome nipples. I really love them the way they are.

Clit hood piercings seem crazy sexy, but I'm way too pain-phobic to go there. Also, no masturbating or sex for a while, so fuck that.

Tongues and belly button piercings have never done it for me.

G-chat Booty Call

We had an odd day off in the middle of the week. Despite D's declaration that he planned to fuck me, we managed to while away the day doing not much of anything at all, for whatever reason.

Evening. I was in another part of the house, done waiting. I looked for him on chat. His name showed the little orange clock next to it, not a bright green dot. I had a feeling he'd hear the ping.

All He Has to Do

All he has to do is touch me. Or look at me like he wants to touch me. Or plans to touch me. And I respond physically. Even if I just imagine his touch, or that look.

Goosebumps spread over my body. They start from my nipples, as they tighten, harden. Normally pale and flat, they quickly deepen in color as the areolae pinken. The nipples turn a deeper shade of rose.

Just as the blood is rushing to my breasts, warming the skin, I'm still gripped by the shivery chill of the goosebumps that mellow out and re-form with my anticipation. I sink into the feeling and enjoy the throb in my clit and the flutter in my belly.

I want him.

The Wet Spot

I was very, very surprised at the number of views on this past week's post about not having a sex life. Not as surprised, though, as I was by the number of messages I got about the waterproof mattress pad!

Having wet, messy sex is a lot of fun, but it's messy. And wet. Before you get too excited and think that I bought the waterproof mattress pad to protect the mattress from the squirt, the reason is really more pedestrian. A few years ago, at the height of my bout with chronic pain, I took meds that made me sweat at night. A lot. So much that it was starting to ruin the mattress cover.

Like any savvy consumer I Googled "waterproof mattress pad" and found myself at the website of the Bedwetting Store. I'm not kidding, it's really called that. Honestly, I would be more embarrassed to get a package with the return address "The Bedwetting Store"* than "Sexy House of Sex Toys." Despite the site's rather unfortunate name, it has a great variety of products with helpful reviews.

There are two big complaints about waterproof mattress pads: crinkly noise and lack of breatheability. The great news is that Simmons Beautyrest makes a waterproof pad that's cushy, comfy, quiet, breathes like Coolmax, and fits even super thick mattresses. It costs only slightly more than a Liberator Throe, and it protects your whole mattress all the time!

You can thank me with some happy, wet, and messy fucking!

*You can also find it at Amazon and Sears, apparently.

How Can I Help My Wife Want More Sex? A Reader Question...

I received this question via email the other day, and with the author's permission I'm sharing it with you. Recently I've received variations of this question almost daily. These are tough issues for anyone to deal with in their relationship. Not being a therapist or having much knowledge beyond what happened in my own relationship, I can only tell you what our experience was. I hope others might find something useful in it.

There are a couple of big things I can't speak very well to: first, the impact of young children on your sex life. We've never had children, and I don't want to presume anything by giving lame advice. Also, we have never been through marital counseling, so I can't give any insight on its helpfulness, but I feel like it would be wrong not to at least mention it. Without further ado, here's the scenario:

I love your Tweets and blog. I have a question for you...

My wife and I have been married for nearly 13 years and been together for almost 18. We have a 2 1/2 year old son of which I am a stay-at-home dad with my own successful business. My wife works full time. My wife has a pretty strong body image problem and because of this we only have sex twice a month sometimes more, more often than not, less.

I will admit that yes, she has been overweight for a long time but it has never bothered me even though when she needs encouragement I will give it but I have made it know that her physique doesn't turn me off. She has amazing breasts and such a pretty face and I let her know this as well as letting her know that she still turns me on.

How can I help her get past this and have sex more often or to be more kinky and more into things like porn, talking dirty, initiating more, etc? I've told her before that I would like her to do all of this but it doesn't seem to register or matter. I'm always the one that has to initiate things but I don't like to do that much any more because to be honest, I'm tired of getting turned down and I don't like when she is not into it and is just going through the motions (which is about 80% of the time.).

Friends of our just went through a vasectomy and the doctor told them they needed to have sex 30 times over the next two months to be sure everything is as it should be. When she told me this I was going to make a comment to the effect of we don't do that in a year let alone two months... but I didn't :-)

Any advice?

First off, great job on being a husband who is so clearly in love. And second, great job on NOT making the comment about having sex fewer than 30 times in a year. The bottom line is communication, and until you can open up with each other about what's going on sexually, you may find your dynamic continuing.

There are so many things in this message that ring bells for me. D and I had mismatched libidos even in the earlier years of our relationship, and his was always stronger. I didn't always feel attractive, especially if I'd put on a few pounds, or if I was going through a rough time in school or work that made me feel badly about myself. D was the primary initiator and decided that he really wanted me to get it started from time to time. All of these things, compounded with the later chronic pain, eventually led to a virtually sexless relationship.

The first thing I notice about your post is that it's mostly about you--what you want, what you're not getting. And that's OK. But clearly something is missing for your wife (as it was for me), and I think you've got to do some work to figure out what that is and try to find some ways to get back on the same page together (assuming you were on the same page at one time?).

Is your wife currently on hormonal birth control? If so, is it different from what she used before getting pregnant? Does she take any other meds that can fuck with libido? Those are things to consider. They don't necessarily bring desire to a screeching halt, but they can make it harder to get over the hump of inertia.

So what to do about it? It sounds like your wife is bit closed off when it even comes to talking with you about sex. Let me start with the push to get her to initiate/ talk dirty/ watch porn, etc. STOP. DOING. THAT. Or at least, stop doing it the way you've been doing it. It took a long time for us to figure out that D pressing me to initiate and "do things differently" was when I really started to pull (or push) away. I was not comfortable with it at the time, and even though I told him so verbally and non-verbally, he continued to press. Looking back, it was a pattern we had elsewhere in our relationship--he would pursue an issue or a question to the point that I felt badgered and harassed. When I felt pursued I also didn't want to acknowledge or talk about whatever the issue was. It literally never occurred to us that the same thing was happening in our sex life.

Eventually we learned how to manage the pursue/ recoil dynamic. When I was feeling pushed or harassed, I would say so. D had to stop it immediately, and we would agree to a neutral time and place to discuss the issue. This ended up working very well for us, and after a while we changed the dynamic and our habits. However, we really should have put sex on the table and tried to deal with it this way. If we did, I don't remember doing it, and we must not have tried very hard.

Now, onto some of the practical matters.

Porn (videos, I mean) may not get her off the way it does you. Or she may like different things in porn but not feel comfortable saying what they are. Or she may have no idea what she wants out of porn. What really began to turn things around for me so that I started to feel sexy and sexual again was reading smutty stories and sex blogs. I joke that I'm an intellesexual, but it's really quite true. My mind has to be turned on before my body follows suit. Here are some suggestions:

• Read her a sexy bedtime story. This may sound corny, but you're doing a few things that put her at the center of attention without any pressure or expectation on her to do anything except lie back and listen. As a working mom I suspect she will like this very, very much. Literotica is online and free, but you get what you pay for. A little hunting will find some good stories, though. Get comfy in bed, maybe with a glass of wine, just the reading lamp on, and go for it. There are also some stories with audio recordings of the author reading. Some are sexy, some are lame.

• Check out Sonic Erotica, where very sexy audio files are posted. Some are just straight up sounds of fucking and orgasm. Others are pieces of fiction, or descriptions of fantasies. Regardless, there's so much hotness, your speakers will melt.

• Find a few blogs you enjoy (hey, like this one!) written by couples more or less like you and bookmark a few posts to read together. Maybe choose something a little racier than your usual sexy time fare, or something that puts you in mind of great moments in your relationship from the past. Check out my blogroll and links page for some other sexy couples' blogs. In particular I suggest Tales From Under Our Covers, Reed and River Unplugged (they have kids, too), Reed's previous blog Reed and River Are Fucking, Frisky in the 916 (who also have a young child), Sexual Life of a Wife (also kids!),  and Uncommon Appetites. And rather than watching whatever's on the DVR some night, peruse a blog together.

Now, about the body image concerns. Obviously a lot of women have body image issues, and unfortunately sometimes it's hard to believe our partners when they tell us we're hot. The little voice in the back of our minds says "well, he has to say that..." When I went through a particularly bad period of body image issues, and was otherwise withdrawn, I regularly took steps to hide my body from D. I just didn't want to deal with it or with him. As a result, I ended up very disconnected from my own body and its ability to feel pleasure. Something you can try is to give your wife sensual experiences that will help her feel pleasure in her body. These are not necessarily sexual sensual experiences, but they can very quickly go in that direction.

Massage is an obvious option, whether you rub her down or send her to the spa. There's something to be said for both choices. The spa is completely non-threatening, but she's still going to get physical pleasure from the experience. And as a result, she may be more open to feeling your touch. Massage can be a lot of work on you, and she could feel like you're doing it just to get into her pants, but if it succeeds in getting into her pants, then WIN! Not knowing your relationship, I can't guess how this would go.

Washing her hair is another lovely, sensual experience. If you already have at least an occasional habit of showering or bathing together, then get on it. If not, this may be harder to wrangle. However, I think most women love the 5-10 minutes they spend in the shampoo chair at the hairdresser, especially when they do a little extra scalp massage with the conditioner. It feels so good. I would have welcomed that from D even in my most withdrawn days.

Magazines like to recommend orchestrating romantic evenings and complex scenarios. Personally, I never reacted well to those because I felt like there was an overt expectation of sex. I'm not saying to quit romantic gestures, but a big evening of music, rose petals, oysters, new lingerie, candlelight, and wine may feel overwhelming. Whenever D went to great lengths like that I always felt pressure to perform, and then guilt if I didn't succeed. And that is not sexy.

So, those are my thoughts. I hope that together you can find a way to open communication about sex, which is really the only way to work on this concern. As a woman who perhaps felt not so differently from your wife, I had to get over a huge roadblocks. Reading smut and masturbating got me primed and ready to jump back into sex with D, and once I started feeling more comfortable with sex again, I was able to talk about it more freely. And to D's credit he has never once expressed anger or blame over the sexless years. He's expressed regret, but only regret. Now we can talk about everything, without judgement or shame.

I really hope this gives you some food for thought, and maybe a few ideas to start strengthening the intimacy in your relationship!


*The regular Formspring Roundup will resume next week

Spooning at 1:30

It's no secret that we are fans of middle of the night sex. Sometimes it happens very deep in the night. And sometimes it happens just as one of us is starting to fall asleep. The other night it happened when D woke up very, very horny.

I had only turned off the e-reader and the lamp a few minutes earlier. It was cold in our room, and I snuggled up next to D with my back to him. As I was starting to drift off, his hand began exploring, first over my top and then under it. He was slowly, lazily flicking my nipple and caressing my breast. Sometimes he does this for a few moments when he briefly wakes, and usually after a minute or two his hand comes to rest on my breast, his breathing deepens again, and he drifts back to sleep. It's lovely, tender, and warm.

Postscript to Sunday's Rushing Mess

My need for cock didn't abate with the rushing, gushing orgasm brought on by the Njoy and the Fairy. That held me at bay for a while, but all it really did was stoke the fire.

"Can I pay you back for the pleasure your cock gives me?"

"How exactly are you going to pay me back? By taking more of it? It's like offering to pay back $5 by taking $5 from me."

"No it's not! You get something out of this, too."

He snickered, letting me know he was just fucking around. I think I throw myself at him too much sometimes.

"I want to show you the filthy spot I left on the sheets when I masturbated earlier."

A Rushing Mess

This morning started as most Sunday mornings have started lately--with a slow morning fuck that sets the tone for a wonderful day. Although today we didn't actually fuck, we just kissed and stroked and whispered sleepy sweet and dirty thoughts in each others' ears. D gave me several small orgasms with his hand. I kissed and sucked and tongued his cock.

I pulled him to lay on top of me. I love the feeling of his weight pressing me into the bed. Eventually he slid down and began to stroke the tip of his nose and the tip of his tongue over my pussy lips. He was breathing deeply, inhaling the scent of my come-coated folds. Licking, sucking, nibbling and again I thrust my body against him in pleasure.

When You Have No Sex Life...

There are many fewer things to worry about when you have no sex life.

Like birth control. I went off it for something like 8 months because I was annoyed with spending the money. I also sort of secretly, unspokenly hoped my libido would come back, but it didn't. Truth: I forgot to take one Nuvaring out before putting the other in one month. I'm still alive. For the record, we never came close to having sex once in those 8 months.

Like bikini line maintenance. I only ever thought about it if a swimsuit was actually going be in play. Even before the sexing stopped I wasn't that diligent about pruning the v-spot. D prefers some sort of trim (ha), but ultimately doesn't really care. So for most of the first decade of the new millenium I had a very vintage bush.

Sex Blog as Genre

Can this blog be sustainable and inherently interesting if:

1. There are only two characters. I ask because THE. MOST. POPULAR. post on this blog, with thousands of hits more than any other post, is about a sexual encounter with someone other than my husband.
2. There is no internet meme participation. They just don't do it for me. And when you don't play their reindeer games, other reindeer could give a shit about your blog.
3. One doesn't, and isn't planning to, post photos or videos of oneself.
4. I never tell you anything more about myself than what I do in the bedroom. Or on the couch. Or tied to a chair in the office.

????

Formspring Roundup: Toes, Toys, and Tie-Ups

Welcome back to another edition of the Formspring Roundup! You can find answers to previous questions here.

I had several questions in the queue, and then got several more yesterday. I tried to answer some that have been waiting a little bit, as well as one new one. If I haven't answered your question here, don't worry! It will be included in a future edition!