Anyway, enough about me. But what about you? Why did I stop following you on Twitter?
- You haven't posted anything for months.
- You haven't posted anything other than Tumblr pics or Foursquare check-ins for months.
- The only things you've posted for months are RTs of other people's bathing suit parts (why did I follow in the first place?).
- The only things you ever post are self-promotional, and as far as I can tell, your Twitter is just an advertisement for something. Something I don't want to buy/consume/endure.
- Despite the fact that I have positively reviewed your product several times, and emailed or tweeted to let you know, you still, for some reason, don't follow me. When I'm being really nice to you and sending business your way. Because I genuinely like/love your product.*
- Despite my friendly overtures, RTs of your fun stuff, comments on your blog, and/or general well-wishes when something goes nicely for you, you ignore me. I get it. You're not that into me. Fair enough. You will never know I'm gone.*
If I'm still following you I really like you, and here's why:
- You post original, fun stuff, or lovely discoveries I wouldn't otherwise find.
- You are funny and charming and engaging.
- You play nicely with others and contribute to a sense of community.
- You have witty, snappy repartee.
- You post stuff that makes me laugh or think or wank or all three at once. #twittertrifecta
- When you post Tumblr pics they are original and/or really hot or beautiful or intriguing. And sometimes they come with an added bonus of original writing by you.
- You judiciously mix in the equivalent of an LOLcat when the timing is right.
- You promise and deliver on excellent recipes.
- You have made it clear that you don't care if you ever see a naked picture of me.
- You are a dead bard.
If I unfollowed you and you think I did you a grave injustice, there's an easy solution. Pop by and say hi. And don't tweet every LOLcat you ever Tumbled to Twitter.
*Obviously you also do not read this blog.