While on a long walk recently I got to thinking about this idea of "porn for women" and what makes it different, special, better, awesome, and more appealing to me than what we typically think of as "mainstream porn." I think we all know that most porn (by which I mean porn produced for profit, not amateur bedroom videos) is created primarily for a male audience, and caters to some stereotypical and accepted tropes about what that audience wants. I'm not going to list them because I suspect you know exactly what I mean.
One of the biggest issues I have, and I think many women (especially, but not exclusively) have is that it feels fake. Maybe it's the set-up, or lack of lustful connection between performers, the scary false nails, or the "aah-aah" orgasms that are anything but genuine.
Many call the porn I most enjoy "feminist," and although some women have an issue with the term, I'm behind it 100%. Feminism is not a dirty word, and like any classification or definition, it can mean different things to different people. This isn't about feminism as a response to discrimination--it's about feminism as the concept of women having the right and the agency to go after and get any damned thing they want in life. In all areas of life.
So please follow me down my rabbit hole of thoughts here. When I thought long, hard, and critically about what I like, these are the things that came to mind. All of these things, when done well, are a credit to the directors and the performers, both.
Female agency. That is, women taking control of their desire and acting on it. This doesn't always mean woman on top, in the power position. It means expressing desire and taking the steps to make what she wants to happen, happen.
Active choice. There is give and take between the performers, even if there is a power exchange scenario. There is some indication of consent. Everyone is getting what they want, no one is being "acted upon" or "done to" strictly as an object. Unless, of course, what she wants and asks for is to be that object (or to objectify).
Takes her own pleasure and her partner's seriously. If there's coyness, it's there because she wants to play that way, not because she's truly shy or cowed by the situation. The performers show us what they want, how they want it, bring their partners into it. Through some kind of connected engagement she's going to get what she wants out of the encounter, but also has incredibly hot give and take with her partner(s). And they want us to enjoy watching it.
The pleasure is real. When I watch Camille Crimson give her partner of nearly 17 years a blowjob and I see the love, lust, joy, playfulness, and desire on her face and in her actions I want to be her. When I see a woman brought to orgasm by the talented tongue of her partner and he keeps going, pushing her farther, I want to be her. I want my partner to be him. I want it for all women.
Anything "degrading" is in the context of a consensual power exchange. I don't enjoy porn where it feels like the woman is being taken advantage of by someone with some sort of dangerous power over her. Unless she has actively given up her power to submit. And then it's really fucking hot. But this skeezy casting couch bullshit just pisses me off.
It's still super hot. This goes without saying. However, my husband's criticism is that there's maybe too much buildup and not enough actual foreplay and fucking. This is where we differ. I love to watch good fucking as much as the next girl, but the hot buildup is what really gets my juices flowing.
And there's something else that has nothing and everything to do with the sex. This stuff is gorgeous. The production values are high, the sets are perfectly dressed, and there's actual filmmaking going on. It's not a guy with a tripod jacking off onto a girl's face with shitty fluorescent lighting.
If all the photos didn't give it away, I'm going to point you to my two favorite women producing gorgeous porn I'm willing to pay for: Erika Lust and Camille Crimson. I have a hard time calling what these women create "porn" because I feel that it cheapens the luxurious quality they produce. And because of the connotation and loaded meaning the word porn has in our culture. Erika Lust and I are on the same page, apparently, as just today she posted on the issue, and suggested that she'd like to see her work categorized as independent adult cinema. And Camille calls her work "beautiful porn," which absolutely sets it apart from the boatloads of questionable quality out there.
I didn't watch porn for a long time, and to be honest, I don't watch it all that often now. But when I want it, I want something good. I want something that I like. Something that stirs me and makes me feel all warm and gooey--and not the same warm and gooey I get from a romantic film. Literally warm. Literally gooey. I want it to bring a flush to my face and body and make my pussy wet.
The kind of porn I describe here is something I've only discovered in the last year or so. Since D and I started fucking again. When I want to enjoy myself on my own, this is what I turn to. When I want us to watch something together, this is what we turn on. This isn't just porn for women. It's porn for people who care about what they're consuming and know they deserve the same kind of quality they enjoy in every other delicious leisure pursuit in their lives. It's the Valrhona or Scharffenberger of sex.
This is the stuff that does it. This is the stuff I want more of. This is what I will pay for. You can be sure I will work my way through this year's nominees of the Feminist Porn Awards, and I look forward to seeing who they honor this year. Because I need more of this. We all do.
Hear Hear! I like that I have seen this discussion in a few of the blogs I follow. Perhaps this kind of sexual revolution will continue to progress after all (rather than regress). Keep doing what you're doing. Maybe that scary regression movement (as seen recently in politics - perhaps not about "porn" but in other areas of conversations around sexuality) will die out.
ReplyDeleteIt's really not that women are changing what we like, rather we are voicing what we like. The first step seems to be to declare "I LOVE PORN" then the "BUT.." conversation can happen. :) Cheers!
I think as with everything else with sex, women need to voice what they want. Maybe it's not what I posted because something else turns you on, but you've got to raise your voice (and your wallet).
DeleteThat's really interesting. Thank you for this - the stills are fantastic; the lighting looks amazing.
ReplyDeleteI've never enjoyed video porn myself, but these look like they might actually be good.
There are at least two things going on out there that are improving the quality of porn--1) better quality productions, and 2) ethically made productions that treat performers (especially women) as professionals. Now, will that change whether *you* enjoy porn--maybe not. But give it a try ;).
DeleteI've never heard of Erika Lust (heck I hadn't heard of James Dean until a few weeks ago when you mentioned him on twitter)... I'll have to check her out. I found Camille Crimson when I first joined twitter, but she's just not for me. I respect what she's doing, but its not in my realm of appreciation in any means. I am a fan of Jizz Lee... I appreciate her look, style, and she turns me on.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I agree with you on why a lot of mainstream porn is not interesting to me - the fake nails, obviously fake implants, the fake noises of orgasm and pleasure, the lack of interest in female satisfaction.... there's not much good to say there.
There's a lot of great stuff out there that I haven't touched on. It's wonderful that there are so many choices, so we can find what suits our own desires and aesthetics. But unless we call out for it, there won't be more of it.
DeleteSpeaking from the point of view as the one who enjoys giving oral to his spouse. My wife says that the longer I'm down there the more sensitive she is and the harder she cums when I enter her later. So for me if my jaws don't hurt I'm not done.
ReplyDeleteHere's to that! Love it!
DeleteI broadly agree with this post. I read something recently about how men want to make sex visible. Men want to see everything. Consequently we end up with the cumface as the natural end to copulation. This obsession with seeing has devalued porn for men as well as women. Even one of the most intimate acts, coming in your lovers mouth, has been made visible by porn stars swapping swallowed jizz between each other.
ReplyDeleteConsequently I find myself retreating and the recent H and M catalogue seems much more erotic than the BangBros website.
I website I have found myself paying for is http://www.fullyclothedsex.com/ which is hilarious really, paying to see women keep their clothes on! And obviously I am trying to thread my own route through this territory at http://redlionstreet.blogspot.co.uk/
Camille Crimson is an interesting brand. I could see myself getting off to that.
The point I'm getting to is that there are broad statements we can make about male and female porn but actually each and every kink is as individual as a finger print. I find myself turning off porn sometimes because someone has the wrong necklace on!
It's a never ending search for that perfect video clip. It will never end.
You're absolutely right, and I guess my larger point is that there needs to be more and greater choice so that if the necklace offends there's something else that gets you off.
DeleteWe don't care much for mainstream porn. We know exactly what you mean, and we find it unrelatable and inaccessible, largely undesirable, and for lack of a better word just plain unappealing. That's not to say that we don't watch it on occasion, but it's a lot like eating food we don't like. It'll keep us alive, but it doesn't taste good and we'll never eat it if we can find something that we like better.
ReplyDelete"Fake" is the perfect word to describe mainstream porn. As you say, it's designed to appeal to a mass audience, and that'll never do it for us. We don't go for the vacuous nineteen-year-olds, the ridiculous over-inflated breasts, and the total lack of passion as we see it. We can't relate to the performers and their genetically-engineered "perfect" bodies, the at-times unrealistic sex and unrelatable camera angles, or the sense that they're going through the motions. Such a turn-off. We'd much rather see performers who look like real people, people we might see while out grocery shopping.
Your mention of women having the right to go after anything, including sexual pleasure, was spot-on. Nothing turns us - Jack especially - on more than women who are assertive and in control of their sexual agency. We especially liked the fact that you went out of your way to mention that agency doesn't necessarily equal sexual dominance. As we've noticed quite a debate lately with regard to submission and whether or not an assertive woman can be submissive - mostly on the part of clueless book reviewers in their reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey - it's nice to hear such a lucid and intellesexual person weigh in.
The bit about degradation is something that hits close to home for us. We have no problem with consensual degradation. But whenever we think "degrading" we think of Bang Bus and other sites where we get the sense that the young girl surrounded by guys in a small secluded space is probably desperate for the money, not that she is appearing in the scene out of any
exhibitionist desires on her part. And while she probably got paid afterwards based on the way she was treated and the fear in her eyes, we can't prove that she wasn't suffocated and tossed in a field afterwards. The "skeezy casting couch bullshit", as you refer to it, is quite possibly the least hot thing in porn right now.
We used to watch a lot of porn. We lived apart for a long time, and porn was something we more or less needed for sexual release. We still watch porn when we're fucking. But lately if we are looking to get off solo, we'll read a hot blog post or peruse a friend's Moby album. If we ARE watching porn, chances are it's something as far from mainstream as we can find.
Oh, and one more thing: Feminism is only a dirty word to those who hate women.
All I can say is fucking awesome comment. Thanks for weighing in with such intellesexual thoughts!
DeleteInteresting what you say about the buildup. After writing hundreds of fuck posts I've been considering leaving off at the point where I write "And we fuck" because I, too, like the buildup.
ReplyDeleteI watched some of the "porn for women" a couple of weeks ago and the only thing I noticed was that it seemed a little more loving, a little less of the hard, dirty sex. But the thing is, like almost all mainstream sex, it still seemed fake to me. Give me some good old fashioned amateur porn any day.
ReplyDeleteThe word "performers" says it all.
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