Thursday, March 22, 2012

I Fuck Myself

I saw this posted as a little slide show on The Frisky the other week and thought it was cute, and perhaps it would generate some funny little blog post. But I couldn't figure out what to do with it and promptly forgot it. Which is odd, because I love orgasms, and I love writing about orgasms. Not as much as I love having them, but they are a very rich topic.

This seems to be sourced to the creator, Glasmond.

Yesterday my friend @sporeprinter from Twitter reminded me of the graphics with a lovely response to some information I'd shared about the length of a recent orgasm. And all of a sudden I found my angle.

Since this recap of various types of orgasms was posted (oh, just you wait!), there has a been an orgasmic explosion of orgasmic recordings of girls orgasming all over the place. I'm not saying these things are related, but it is curious.

So where was I going with all of this? Oh, right. Curious about how my own orgasm might sound, I made a half-assed attempt to record myself the other night. You probably won't be hearing it because it's half-assed and crummy quality, but oh! did I learn a few things.

When I fuck myself, most of the time I have the "Good Orgasm." A nice build up, followed by a plateau of divine pleasure, and then a delightful, usually slow and shivering come down. Glasmond's scale is a bit off. In my world that plateau would be about 3 minutes long on that scale! Hah! I'll take it..

My recording showed me a roughly 5-6 minute build up, a first orgasm that lasted about 35-40 seconds, quickly followed by a second that lasted about 10-12 seconds. And then about 2-3 minutes of coming down. And that, my friends, happened to be a damned good orgasm, so for research purposes it was perfect.

Now, on to some other sorts of orgasms. This one is particular frustrator:


It's funny because it's true. You can be so fucking horny that you think it's just going to take a touch to come, and then bad porn interferes and everything slides off the rails. And then finally there's a moment where you're ready. And you make it happen. And then you're done really quickly because it just wasn't as satisfying as you'd hoped it would be. An orgasm is a good thing, but not as nice when you torture yourself to get there!

And sadly, this was my experience last night when I was horny again and D was asleep. I could have woken him up, but he'd come only a couple hours earlier and I knew it wasn't going to happen again.


I tried and tried to make it happen. I wanted it. My clit wanted it. But no matter what I did, it just wasn't coming. This doesn't happen that often, but when it does I have none of the excited and wanton feeling caused by intentional orgasm denial. What I have instead is a pussy on the brink that's really pissing me off. It's about 7 hours later now and I still really want that orgasm. (NOTE: orgasm was finally achieved, but I had to bring in an expert. Thanks D!)

I love the occasional times when the "Strange But Good Orgasm" happens:


This one just happens as fluke, and it's a lucky and lovely thing when it does. For me, those little peaks are extra, unexpected spasms, or additional quick, small orgasms that happen once the big show is done. I actually tend to have the "Strange But Good Orgasm" rather frequently when we fuck, but less so when I'm on my own. I attribute it to penetration and temerity. On my own I will only keep fucking myself so long and so hard, so it certainly limits how extensive my orgasms will be. But when I'm with D, he's got a lot more control over, well, everything, and he successfully keeps me in a state of twitchiness for a good long while.

I've given you quite a little tour through my masturbatory orgasmic experiences. You've waited long enough.

Here are some of those orgasms floating around the internet! To be fair, some recorded their orgasms for our listening pleasure quite a while ago. I'm thinking of Violet's surreptitiously recorded orgasm. And Mia's first and second audio snapshots.

But in the last two weeks or so I've been treated to N's friend exploding twice. I've downloaded and listened to Mia Lee's delicious recording while tending to my own needs. And just the other day Bi_and_Bi and Tonya made their contributions. I'm certain I've missed others that would aid your efforts.

Maybe if I put these on a loop I will never have the "Fuck, not this time" experience again.

15 comments:

  1. Excellent post. I love the graphics. And I love the links to various women's orgasms. You know how much I love listening to them.

    I hadn't heard Tonya's, but it's great. And here's one more - not just audio, but also video (though, to be fair, the visual part is uninteresting - it's the audio that rocks), from Violet & Rye's website (http://uncommonappetites.blogspot.com/2012/03/you-best-believe-shes-coming.

    I like Sonic Erotica, but what I like so much more about the ones to which you link is that they're people we _know_ - not just anonymous people. (Well, you don't know the chick who came for me twice, but I do. Sorry about that....) Maybe I'll introduce you to her in somewhat more detail down the road.

    Keep 'em coming.... (And thanks, as ever, for the shout-out.)

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    1. So, I just read your post on the search for the perfect handjob, and I totally get your affection for charts, spreadsheets, and the like now!

      I deliberately chose these orgasms b/c they are of people I feel I know in some sense. Even your mystery woman. And I'm serious about putting them on a loop...

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  2. The best part if this post is not that you link mine, although that is truly awesome! Thanks!!! It's that I now have 3 more glorious orgasms to enjoy on my smutphones at work (so named because I use them to listen top the smuttiest things I can find to distract me from my cubicle hell)! And even better that they are all contained in one place! Yeeeee haw! :D

    I'm also going to have to give more... studious... thought and attention to my own orgasms for a bit, maybe try to graph a few to see how they compare. And I have several recordings and videos to go back to and analyze. For scientific purposes, of course. ;)

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    1. So glad to replenish your smut! And good luck with the graphing ;).

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  3. Thanks for the analysis, the graphics, and the links. We both love the sounds of someone else's orgasm, and I love recording Jill when she has one (usually video in addition to audio). For various reasons, however, I doubt she'll ever consent to posting them.

    -Jack

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    1. Glad you enjoyed. I am hesitant about publishing mine, too!

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  4. Loved the charts! I'm "stealing" for some of my female friends. ;)

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    1. Steal away--I claim no credit other than publicizing!

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  5. The charts are awesome - its something I often visualize when I think not only of the quality but the type of orgasm. For me, vaginal, manual, and oral orgasms all have a different pattern and feel. I really need to chart that out and blog it sometime.

    I agree, I also have the "strange but good" orgasm most of the time.

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    1. Ah, another spreadsheet lover who loves the charts! Why am I not surprised? Strange but good is good, and if they are "most of the time" I guess they can't be that strange!

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  6. Fun charts! I don't think there is anything sexier than the sound of a woman having an orgasm. That release and total expression of pleasure is as hot as it gets.

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    1. Another chart lover! And yes, pretty much exactly it!

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  7. I just love everything about this post. Been listening to the hot orgasms and I want more ;)

    I keep having the Fuck Not This Time ones and it really makes me mad LOL! But I suspect its because I'm trying to have so many.

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    1. No such thing as too many orgasms. But maybe too much pressure?

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  8. Great recordings, extremely sexy!

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