The Elusive O

For the last few days I have been unable to make myself come. I've tried and tried, and maybe the fault is in the trying so hard. At least three times I've been close but couldn't get there on my own. The pinch hitter was called in, which is kind of not the point since I'm meant to be getting myself off.

I don't know the cause of my inability to come. I think part of me is afraid I'm going to squirt and mess the sheets. Which would be resolved by getting a towel or two. Part of me won't let go for some reason. I can feel the orgasm just out of reach. It's there on the horizon, and I feel the hint of it, like the way you feel the hairs on your arm swish as a breeze or person blows by. Particles are ready to be displaced. But they won't move.

Photo courtesy of Creative Rehab.

The other night I lay in bed, trying every toy and device at my disposal. Yesterday I tried fingers. For almost fifteen minutes I tried. I was close and I couldn't seal the deal. Finally I had to stop so I could get ready to go out. Today all the batteries were dead. The pinch hitter was called up again. What he gives is very different from a self-induced orgasm. Of course it's better because we're together and he's so good, but it's very different.

After he'd left, I decided to try again. Really, I just wanted to get it done, to get over the hump. Because psychologically I was starting to flail. Wondering, fearing that I might never be able to make myself come again. Intellectually I know that's crazy. A few days of troubled masturbation does not a sexual dysfunction make. But it's all about getting back on the horse.

I turned up one of the wonderful audios of a girl orgasming. I have no idea what any of these women, whose audio orgasms seriously turn me on, really look like. But if I had to judge based on what's coming through the speakers, they are all drop-dead gorgeous. I turned up the (finally) recharged Fairy Wand. I tried to relax. I tried to focus on the feelings of the vibrations and not the impetus to come. I unconsciously matched my breathing and intensity to the sounds of the audio file. And after two plays, I finally had the long-awaited orgasm. And it wasn't just any old orgasm. It was long, hard, and satisfying. Patience gets its just rewards.