How do we learn about sex? I don't mean the mechanics from basic sex ed, but how we learn to give and receive, to pleasure and be pleasured, and how we discover those things we enjoy at the edges of our continua. As you read this not-quite-tawdry tale of my early sexual experiences, consider my previous posts on the sexless period of my life. I still can't put 2 and 2 together.
I'll never forget the day we discovered my friend's parents' porn stash. I think we were around 10 or 11. They weren't very good about hiding it. It was a small format picture set called Orgy Fuckers, with photos of, well, people fucking at an orgy. It was amusing to think of her parents fucking because her dad was a very large man and her mom was a total bitch on wheels. But fuck they did, because she got a little sister a couple years later.
That discovery set us all looking around our parents' rooms for their porn stashes. I knew where my dad kept his Playboys, so I didn't look much further until a couple years later. Turns out he had Penthouse, too. I ended up liking them better because of the Forum. Even back then dirty stories really did it for me. Somewhere in there we all read Forever and Wifey by Judy Blume. I still remember asking my mom what a virgin was. That was a pretty godawful weird moment.
That was when I first really understood about masturbating, and once I discovered it I was kind of unstoppable and shoved all sorts of things up my pussy as I ground against a pillow. I learned about a lot of different sexual possibilities from those magazines, but I was young and had never been kissed, and honestly, partners just didn't figure into yet for me.
Middle school was a hotbed of experimentation, but ultimately still pretty chaste. Within the span of a few short weeks I had kissed several boys, been french kissed, groped over and under clothes, and been groped over and under clothes. There were one or two houses we'd gather at on days off from school, and in dark corners at parties. Someone had a waterbed, and it kind of sucked when 6 or 8 people were on it at once.
Sleepaway summer camp was the catalyst for further experimentation. When I look back on it now, we were shades away from having group sex, and it only didn't happen because no cock penetrated any pussy during the two summers in mind. But damn, there was kissing, grinding, tit sucking, hand jobbing, and a ridiculous number of backrub circles. Couples formed, dissolved, and reformed in different pairings, often in the course of just a day or two. We were still at that age where girls are a bit more mature than the boys, physically and socially, and in retrospect I think we were corrupting them.
Early high school saw no serious relationships, just serious crushes that hardly went anywhere. Finally I got hot, relatively speaking, sometime in my sophomore year. That's when I met M and discovered exactly how sublime an orgasm caused by another person can be. From then until I met D I had a series of longish term boyfriends, all exclusive (well, mostly).
With my longest-term high school boyfriend I learned how to give a blowjob and how to orgasm from pussy licking. It took us well over a year to go from our first kiss to losing our virginity. In that time we spent roughly one date night every weekend in his bedroom, naked or nearly so, with our mouths firmly attached to each others' genitals. Since his mom either worked late or went out we usually had the house to ourselves. And when she came home she never knocked on his bedroom door.
I initiated the conversation, and it turns out had I not said anything he never would have! Because he was being gentlemanly, not because he didn't want to. We stood outside my house, on the driveway, leaning against the door of my car. Mutually we decided to go for it. He got the condoms and soon thereafter we had a night alone at his house. Our fucking was perfunctory, but it wasn't painful. We did it a few handfuls of times, but we never got it quite right. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. Everything else we did got us off a lot more, and more often.
Fucking was something I figured out in college, with a boyfriend who'd had a bit more experience than I had. It's also where I figured out birth control, fortunately. More boyfriends, more and better fucking. College was good, even if I didn't experiment quite the way I perhaps should have.
The year or so between college and grad school was a celibate one. Some bad shit went down, I went on a few dates with some decent prospects, but I was in no place emotionally to give a shit about them. A few months after I started grad school I met D, and you can read about our early time together here. And you can read about the time I guess I didn't actually cheat on him here.
And that brings us up to the beginning of my long-term adult relationship in which I have only fucked one person for nearly two decades. Some day I will write more about the early years, and the years in between when there was pretty much no sex.
I don't know how many things that was about my sexuality, but looking back over all those years I'll admit to a few regrets. I won't admit them right now, to you, dear reader, but perhaps in time...